A Sad Day For Evil Twins Everywhere
This morning my Good Twin, Mark Sheldon, posted the following status update:
Ok. What is up with people jaywalking on DeSoto Ave IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR? That’s two days in a row that I almost got to witness Darwinism in action. Yesterday, a woman walked out into the middle of oncoming traffic with her two children (one about 8, the other IN A STROLLER) – NOT EVEN WHERE THERE WAS A CROSSWALK. When someone had the audacity to honk at her, she stood in the middle of the road yelling at him for scaring her baby.
I hate to have to admit it – and the fact that I am compelled to do so makes this for certain to be a sad day for Evil Twins everywhere – but I have to agree with my brother on this one.
I am sure this leaves you rather confused. After all, death, mayhem and destruction are what I revel in. And I also cherish the perpetuation of stupidity – after all, stupid people make my job of World Domination so much easier.
So why, you might ask, am I upset over this particular expression of stupidity? Because I don’t want LESS stupid people in the world, I want MORE.
Listen up, stupid people, DON’T KILL YOURSELVES OFF. I depend on you to be my slaves, prisoners, and concubines once I have succeeded at TAKING OVER THE WORLD.
If all the stupid people get themselves killed, then that leaves only smart people in the world, and as we all know, smart people don’t let the villain go off ranting on a five-minute monologue of exposition explaining every minute detail of his nefarious scheme.
No, smart people use the time whilst the villain is distracted in his self-flagellating pontifications to figure out how to get out of the predicament they are in.
THIS IS BAD. Well, Good. You know what I mean.
So please, stupid people, please do continue breeding and perpetuating your genetic lines of stupidity – this I am all for and encourage. Please do continue banning books, television programs, and pretending that Global Warming is just a myth. But for Pete’s sake, STOP TRYING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED.
This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Kram Sheldon: Evil Mastermind, Schemer of Nefarious Deeds, and Vice-President of the Evil Warlords’ Knitting Club.